I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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