I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
