Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
