bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
