Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
