My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
