Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost the right to judge tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
