True but thats because hes a fetus.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
