porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
