i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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