drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
