I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
