btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
