I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
