At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
