I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
