Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
