toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
