Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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