Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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