i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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