last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
