I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
