i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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