The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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