Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
