what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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