I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
