Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
