Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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