fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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