just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
