You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
