i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
