if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
