:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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