It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
