What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
