I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
