Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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