there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
