hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
