Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
