i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
