i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
