What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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