Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
