he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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