Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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