Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
